An Emotional Tirade

I believe I've found the solution to the emotions on/off switch. I've known it for a while now, but it doesn't always work.

You know, I like to think of myself as someone with no regrets. I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. That even though you may not see it now, somewhere in the future you'll look back and say "I know I was crushed as hell that i got kicked out of TPJC, but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and my life would not be as great now as it may have been had I been stuck in that repressive (in more ways than one) environment." I like to think of myself as a rational being. I can see the pros and cons of situations and assess it.

I know these things. These cognitive ideas and facts. They're there in my brain. I can happily recite them to the next person and make them sound matter-of-fact. Unfortunately, my freaking emotions are linked to my freaking heart, not my brain. And that makes me irrational.

When I say I'm not stupid, I'm lying. And that's why even when my brain is telling me that I'm being used, when all signs point to a dude being gay, when an obviously unattainable person crosses my path, I do the most obviously dumb thing and fall for them. w00t, i'm such a brilliant loser. When ten students come from an american university for a 6 week summer programme, despite all better judgement and warnings to keep a distance and not become emotionally attached to ephemeral beings who will inevitably (and definitely) fly off and once more leave you all alone and you'll never hear from them again despite contrary promises (although granted, not everybody is Greg. Well, maybe. We shall see, shan't we?).... Anyway, what was my point. Oh right. Against better rational judgement and lessons (obviously unlearnt) from previous experiences, what do I do? I spend every waking hour hanging out with them! Apparitions. Damned emotions!

I didn't explain about the switch, I know. Nor did I set out to. This is me blowing off steam to try and alleviate these stupid feelings. *rolls eyes* I'm starting to understand why people get worried about me reading my blog.

I want to hit the Reset Button of Life and come back as a cold-hearted emotionless bitch who feels no remorse, regret or pain. Or maybe as a nice fluffy bunny rabbit with non-red eyes.