I have a t-shirt that reads 'Enjoy Capitalism'. Indeed it seems that capitalism is so embedded within our everyday lives that we can scarcely seek to escape it. I'm graduating soon and yesterday I was to collect my academic gown. Honestly, I should have known better but I expected a small room with a counter and to be done in ten minutes or so. For you NUS undergrads, grads and alumni who are shaking your heads at me right now, I reiterate - I really should have known better.
What it was was an odd reprise of matriculation. "The wheel has come full circle; I am here" indeed. It's a circle isn't it. A cycle, if you may. It's like exchange. More often than not, you end where you begin - at the airport. Everything is the same except the person you are. You stand at the beginnning once more, reminded of the person you were once upon a time. The characteristics of youth, the twinkle in your eye. A hopeful optimism, perhaps and a fresh eagerness to make a difference in the world. And now, you're once more situated where you began and you take stock of what you lost and what you gained. Who you have become. What you have allowed yourself to be. Another rite of passage. No longer liminal, now to be reggregated once more into society. To be unleashed upon the merciless world.
Of course, to be inundated by people luring you into materialism and wanting your money. And I, of course, buying into everything. haha. I paid too much money yesterday for things that I don't even have yet. Deposits for photographs, gowns for ceremonies that have yet to come, deposit on the most important book in my life yet...
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
An identity crisis awaits
I can't wait to start anew. A fresh beginning and a clean slate. We don't have many opportunities to hit the Reset button and Ctrl-Alt-Del our lives away. As humans, we're doomed to make the most of what life hits us with or just live with the mistakes and the scars they leave upon our souls. Perhaps it's a test of our mettle. Maybe it's the core of our existence, the forces which shape us and give direction to what we will eventually be. Either way, when faced with the opportunity to disregard history, to lose our excess baggage (which hurts a whole damn lot, considering the price one has to pay to take it on board) or better still, throw it away; we seize that chance. To be whoever we want to be. To feel, at least, like we can.
But what if that was a lie? As I finished typing that paragraph, it occured to me that somehow, for the past 4+2+4 = 10 years (wow) of my life, that's what I've been doing. I transferred out of East View Secondary School to go to Pasir Ris Secondary School at Secondary 3 where I met some of my favourite people and felt like somehow I was a worthy human being, deserving of the oxygen I breathe. I was kicked out of TPJC after 3 months which was more of a blow than anyone understood only to head off to SRJC where as a blessing in disguise, I found more joy and meaning in the days I spent there with the people I found. Next came my days in NUS where in my second year I headed off to the other side of the world to do my exchange.
I'd never realised it until now, but there I go. voici. It would appear that there is no permanence in my life, that inherently, ephemerality is the constant. There is nothing good or bad about this, but I think it perhaps explains the person that I am, that I have turned out to be. I escape. I run away from my problems, waiting for the next turn in my life or the next fork in the road. Using new challenges to bury past failures. And here I am, doing it again. I graduate next month, and so begin a new phase of my life. A truly new phase. And I'm scared out of my mind. This is my chance to wield the sculptor's knife, to control the direction of my life. I feel thrust into the open, 'Here you go', the World declares. 'I'm here for you to conquer'.
What now?
Is it time to change the world a step at a time? To turn my world inside out, upside down again for the first time? The truth is, we get so comfortable in our gilded, velvet-lined iron cage that, well, we don't notice the bars anymore.
But what if that was a lie? As I finished typing that paragraph, it occured to me that somehow, for the past 4+2+4 = 10 years (wow) of my life, that's what I've been doing. I transferred out of East View Secondary School to go to Pasir Ris Secondary School at Secondary 3 where I met some of my favourite people and felt like somehow I was a worthy human being, deserving of the oxygen I breathe. I was kicked out of TPJC after 3 months which was more of a blow than anyone understood only to head off to SRJC where as a blessing in disguise, I found more joy and meaning in the days I spent there with the people I found. Next came my days in NUS where in my second year I headed off to the other side of the world to do my exchange.
I'd never realised it until now, but there I go. voici. It would appear that there is no permanence in my life, that inherently, ephemerality is the constant. There is nothing good or bad about this, but I think it perhaps explains the person that I am, that I have turned out to be. I escape. I run away from my problems, waiting for the next turn in my life or the next fork in the road. Using new challenges to bury past failures. And here I am, doing it again. I graduate next month, and so begin a new phase of my life. A truly new phase. And I'm scared out of my mind. This is my chance to wield the sculptor's knife, to control the direction of my life. I feel thrust into the open, 'Here you go', the World declares. 'I'm here for you to conquer'.
What now?
Is it time to change the world a step at a time? To turn my world inside out, upside down again for the first time? The truth is, we get so comfortable in our gilded, velvet-lined iron cage that, well, we don't notice the bars anymore.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Exchanges
Going on exchange isn't about going on an extended holiday. Of course, if that's the way you want to play it then of course it could be. But going on exchange gives you the opportunity to do so much more than that. It gives you the opportunity to step into the shoes of the people you live amongst. Complete immersion is rarely achieved of course, but you get a taste, a sample of what life is like in a place wholly different from where you grew up in. Christine thinks you can get this even if you don't know any locals. According to her, you're doing all those everyday things like setting up a bank account anyway, so that gives you the experience of living in Singapore. I don't know. I'm inclined to think that living in Singapore for 4 months and not knowing any Singaporeans personally is really quite sad.
Being on exchange is about building relationships, sharing lives and fusing souls. The term 'exchange' program isn't just about the reciprocal exchanges of people between the universities. It's about the exchanging of lives: I show you how I live, I take you into my life and vice-versa. As much as this exchange is a wonderful thing for both parties, and indeed, that's what my thesis wanted to focus on (although I'm facing some difficulty writing that chapter), there are some difficulties involved which could explain the reluctance on the part of members of the host community to let any of these exchange students deep into their lives.
For exchange students, their lives here aren't their essential existence. It's a life apart from their reality. Sometimes you think it's not real, after all whatever happens here won't really matter when they go back home. It's a liminal period, as I am always saying.
It's a separate life, complete with its own symbolic birth, life and death. These people come into your lives, they interrupt it and then they leave. They're what Chuck Palahniuk calls "Single Serving Friends", a 3-in-one sachet of friendship which lasts 4-9 months at any given time. Usually it's a welcome interruption though. They bring so much into your life, they bring magic and wonder and they revalourise things you've grown weary and disenchanted with. But this is your real life. These are the chapters of your life that you live every single day, it's not an appendix. So when they leave and they go back to their realities, their experience here becomes frozen in a memory. In a picture frame, hanging on the wall. It's an appendix to their life. But it's a hole in yours. As more people come and go from your life, you become more fragmented. People take pieces of you with them as they leave parts of themselves with you. You become a bricolage, a postmodern entity.
You're left being a dirty mistress, literally. As they go back to their spouses. They have real lives to go back to but when they leave, what happens to you? Do they get us hooked on a high we can't afford? When we become little but memory. Is that why we keep visitors on the periphery of our lives? When we know they're gonna leave us, do we hold them at arm's length? Or would we embrace them will all we have left?
The truth is, they transform us too. They come into our lives and shake things up. They bring epiphanies and joy... at least, if you let them in. You have to let the right people in though. I think exchange life, here in NUS, people like numbers. The wider your social pool, the more options you have for travel partners. We here who live our daily lives here. And from here on I'm just talking about me. I've come to realise it's all about compatibility of personality. Some people interrupt your life in a way you'd rather not have it interrupted. They can offend. Without meaning to, I suppose. It's just ironic sometimes. Though I do have to wonder how much of a hypocrite I'm being.
Anyway. I guess the point is that when you want to have magic and fairydust in your life, you're gonna have to deal with the pumpkins and rats that embody the aftermath.
Being on exchange is about building relationships, sharing lives and fusing souls. The term 'exchange' program isn't just about the reciprocal exchanges of people between the universities. It's about the exchanging of lives: I show you how I live, I take you into my life and vice-versa. As much as this exchange is a wonderful thing for both parties, and indeed, that's what my thesis wanted to focus on (although I'm facing some difficulty writing that chapter), there are some difficulties involved which could explain the reluctance on the part of members of the host community to let any of these exchange students deep into their lives.
For exchange students, their lives here aren't their essential existence. It's a life apart from their reality. Sometimes you think it's not real, after all whatever happens here won't really matter when they go back home. It's a liminal period, as I am always saying.
It's a separate life, complete with its own symbolic birth, life and death. These people come into your lives, they interrupt it and then they leave. They're what Chuck Palahniuk calls "Single Serving Friends", a 3-in-one sachet of friendship which lasts 4-9 months at any given time. Usually it's a welcome interruption though. They bring so much into your life, they bring magic and wonder and they revalourise things you've grown weary and disenchanted with. But this is your real life. These are the chapters of your life that you live every single day, it's not an appendix. So when they leave and they go back to their realities, their experience here becomes frozen in a memory. In a picture frame, hanging on the wall. It's an appendix to their life. But it's a hole in yours. As more people come and go from your life, you become more fragmented. People take pieces of you with them as they leave parts of themselves with you. You become a bricolage, a postmodern entity.
You're left being a dirty mistress, literally. As they go back to their spouses. They have real lives to go back to but when they leave, what happens to you? Do they get us hooked on a high we can't afford? When we become little but memory. Is that why we keep visitors on the periphery of our lives? When we know they're gonna leave us, do we hold them at arm's length? Or would we embrace them will all we have left?
The truth is, they transform us too. They come into our lives and shake things up. They bring epiphanies and joy... at least, if you let them in. You have to let the right people in though. I think exchange life, here in NUS, people like numbers. The wider your social pool, the more options you have for travel partners. We here who live our daily lives here. And from here on I'm just talking about me. I've come to realise it's all about compatibility of personality. Some people interrupt your life in a way you'd rather not have it interrupted. They can offend. Without meaning to, I suppose. It's just ironic sometimes. Though I do have to wonder how much of a hypocrite I'm being.
Anyway. I guess the point is that when you want to have magic and fairydust in your life, you're gonna have to deal with the pumpkins and rats that embody the aftermath.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Alienation and Anomie
Here's a boring little narrative post -
I woke up way too early today, at 6 am, for APAIE. It was my job to go collect the Board of Directors from their hotel and I was to be there at 7.15 am. Suffice it to say, it was 7 am and I was still standing - or pacing, rather - on Pasir Panjang Road cursing under my breath at the dearth of cabs. One thing I've learnt from my Texas Aggies is that things always work out fine and that i worry unnecessarily way too much. So I took a breath and called information for a cab number. I called them twice, twice hanging up on then to hail a taxi off the road. Fortunately, I successfully hopped into a cab at 7.10 am. At 7.25 I reached the Meritus Mandarin and still had to wait for them to arrive. hah. See, everything ultimately works out fine. Breeeathe.
I like mornings, I really do. I like the quiet of it. How the sounds of the day slowly creep into your consciousness as they awaken. I like the still of things, how cool the breeze is. I like feeling like I still have most of the day ahead of me, ready to be conquered.
I don't like people. Increasingly, the ones who cross my mind and unfortunately, my path have tended to get on my nerves. My patience is short these days, my zen threshold has fallen considerably. I have many theories, some of which I will share at some pointg or other. I've just written Robin an e-mail expressing some of my many grievances. I miss him, really. He's one of the few exchange students I really got on well with. We had this argument in 2004 about group dynamics, and how one does things one may not necessarily enjoy to keep the privilege of membership and the benefits associated with that membership. Being the naive idealist I was back then, I really rejected that notion. I thought it was conniving, deceitful and transactional. And insincere. I've grown up since then, crossed over to the Dark Side of Rationality and the realm of Blake's Experience.
Here's what I think now: it's a necessary evil for those who don't have time to build sincere and deep, meaningful soulful relationships with people. See, those kinds of interactions take time and commitment and develop. And people these days just don't have that. These days, it's all about quantity. I think it's perhaps symptomatic of the modern society - I hesitate to say ills thereof, but deep inside I think that's what it is - the whole concept of disposability. My 3 Main Evils: Disposable, Replaceable and Dispensable. This year has seen me turn over all my Blakean ideals. Back then, I told Rob "If you don't want to go, don't. We'll call you the next time we do something and see if you wanna join us. See, if your friends really like you, that's what they'll do." Relationships between people these days are very ephemeral. From what I hear, Habermas agrees with me on this. Not having read him, I can't comment. Anyway, it's like a disposable sachet of friendship. Use and discard as required. When another need arises, you pick another one out of a box.
I must say, it works for many people. Alas, I'm not one of them. I've never been the most sociable person around. And I don't do well in crowds. I don't know how to fight for attention, I don't know how to hold a crowd. I do deep conversations, probing of souls. Getting to know a person. Or so I thought that was who I was. I'd always wondered what it would be like to be a social butterfly, to know lots of people. Now that I think about it, that's what last semester was. I met maaany people and never really got to know them well. It's hard to be special to someone's life when they've got a gazillion other people in their lives. I think perhaps this is the source of my discontent.
The thing is, it's awesome to have that person and I do have a couple of core friends, as opposed to "oh-i'll-sit-and-eat-with-you" people. But when you're in a group of core friends and you feel like you're sitting on the periphery of that, I guess that sucks.
And I think sometimes that when you're someone who is slightly introverted in a group of people who share commonalities that you don't, you're gonna be unfortunately marginalised, even if nobody intended for it to be so. Alienated. Anomie.
I woke up way too early today, at 6 am, for APAIE. It was my job to go collect the Board of Directors from their hotel and I was to be there at 7.15 am. Suffice it to say, it was 7 am and I was still standing - or pacing, rather - on Pasir Panjang Road cursing under my breath at the dearth of cabs. One thing I've learnt from my Texas Aggies is that things always work out fine and that i worry unnecessarily way too much. So I took a breath and called information for a cab number. I called them twice, twice hanging up on then to hail a taxi off the road. Fortunately, I successfully hopped into a cab at 7.10 am. At 7.25 I reached the Meritus Mandarin and still had to wait for them to arrive. hah. See, everything ultimately works out fine. Breeeathe.
I like mornings, I really do. I like the quiet of it. How the sounds of the day slowly creep into your consciousness as they awaken. I like the still of things, how cool the breeze is. I like feeling like I still have most of the day ahead of me, ready to be conquered.
I don't like people. Increasingly, the ones who cross my mind and unfortunately, my path have tended to get on my nerves. My patience is short these days, my zen threshold has fallen considerably. I have many theories, some of which I will share at some pointg or other. I've just written Robin an e-mail expressing some of my many grievances. I miss him, really. He's one of the few exchange students I really got on well with. We had this argument in 2004 about group dynamics, and how one does things one may not necessarily enjoy to keep the privilege of membership and the benefits associated with that membership. Being the naive idealist I was back then, I really rejected that notion. I thought it was conniving, deceitful and transactional. And insincere. I've grown up since then, crossed over to the Dark Side of Rationality and the realm of Blake's Experience.
Here's what I think now: it's a necessary evil for those who don't have time to build sincere and deep, meaningful soulful relationships with people. See, those kinds of interactions take time and commitment and develop. And people these days just don't have that. These days, it's all about quantity. I think it's perhaps symptomatic of the modern society - I hesitate to say ills thereof, but deep inside I think that's what it is - the whole concept of disposability. My 3 Main Evils: Disposable, Replaceable and Dispensable. This year has seen me turn over all my Blakean ideals. Back then, I told Rob "If you don't want to go, don't. We'll call you the next time we do something and see if you wanna join us. See, if your friends really like you, that's what they'll do." Relationships between people these days are very ephemeral. From what I hear, Habermas agrees with me on this. Not having read him, I can't comment. Anyway, it's like a disposable sachet of friendship. Use and discard as required. When another need arises, you pick another one out of a box.
I must say, it works for many people. Alas, I'm not one of them. I've never been the most sociable person around. And I don't do well in crowds. I don't know how to fight for attention, I don't know how to hold a crowd. I do deep conversations, probing of souls. Getting to know a person. Or so I thought that was who I was. I'd always wondered what it would be like to be a social butterfly, to know lots of people. Now that I think about it, that's what last semester was. I met maaany people and never really got to know them well. It's hard to be special to someone's life when they've got a gazillion other people in their lives. I think perhaps this is the source of my discontent.
The thing is, it's awesome to have that person and I do have a couple of core friends, as opposed to "oh-i'll-sit-and-eat-with-you" people. But when you're in a group of core friends and you feel like you're sitting on the periphery of that, I guess that sucks.
And I think sometimes that when you're someone who is slightly introverted in a group of people who share commonalities that you don't, you're gonna be unfortunately marginalised, even if nobody intended for it to be so. Alienated. Anomie.
Friday, February 23, 2007
little miss angsty strikes again
I know that by now, I should no better than to expect anything. And I know that all one can do is just deal with whatever comes (or doesn't come) our way. But that doesn't mean it's any less frustrating! And since no engineer has yet created the on/off switch for stupid emotions, people around me too, will just have to deal with my mood swings.
lol, I've been ranting a lot in the office these past couple of weeks. My fellow SAs have had to bear witness to the manifestation of little miss googly-eyed for one day and exchange worried looks with each other over why yati is smiling and giggling to herself again; little miss angry bitch who ranted and raved about some random insensitive bitch who made the mistake of incurring her latent and repressed wrath thereby unleashing the monster within... and i suppose today, they will have to deal with little miss depressed-though-she-should-know-better. I'm a whole Little Miss Series by myself. I should get t-shirts. Unfortunately, the ones I've seen cost waaay too much for any sane person to spend money on. As much as I support displaying one's identity on one's chest, I just refuse on the basis of principle to pay S$47 for it. Even if it was embroidered with mithril or gold or bird's nest. I say, for that price, you might as well read the expression on my face. hahaha... then again, maybe it's for people like that stupid dragon-wrath-incurrer (otherwise known as the subject of last week's Rant) who are unable to read people's expressions and react accordingly.
I wonder what life, what society would be like if one day t-shirts were invented that displayed the wearer's thoughts. Man, what a mess that would be.
I've been thinking a lot lately, about how one's self worth is contingent on technology these days. I once had a theory that people entered relationships (as in romantic relationships) for self validation and when they broke up, the pain and the mess were all in response to the shattering of one's validation and self esteem. If we finally reach the stage of confidence when we are so self-assured and confident that we don't need anyone else validating our existence... then I'd say men would probably be obsolete. Or more accurately, love would be obsolete. Relationships would be redundant. Or maybe they'll just evolve into something else. Let's face it... deep down inside, everyone is a little insecure. Everyone just wants to be loved. Sometimes it's amazing how much a little hug can mean to someone's day.
And yes, I just realised that I never followed up on my thought about the contingency of self worth on technology. oh well, luckily this is a blog post and not an essay.
lol, I've been ranting a lot in the office these past couple of weeks. My fellow SAs have had to bear witness to the manifestation of little miss googly-eyed for one day and exchange worried looks with each other over why yati is smiling and giggling to herself again; little miss angry bitch who ranted and raved about some random insensitive bitch who made the mistake of incurring her latent and repressed wrath thereby unleashing the monster within... and i suppose today, they will have to deal with little miss depressed-though-she-should-know-better. I'm a whole Little Miss Series by myself. I should get t-shirts. Unfortunately, the ones I've seen cost waaay too much for any sane person to spend money on. As much as I support displaying one's identity on one's chest, I just refuse on the basis of principle to pay S$47 for it. Even if it was embroidered with mithril or gold or bird's nest. I say, for that price, you might as well read the expression on my face. hahaha... then again, maybe it's for people like that stupid dragon-wrath-incurrer (otherwise known as the subject of last week's Rant) who are unable to read people's expressions and react accordingly.
I wonder what life, what society would be like if one day t-shirts were invented that displayed the wearer's thoughts. Man, what a mess that would be.
I've been thinking a lot lately, about how one's self worth is contingent on technology these days. I once had a theory that people entered relationships (as in romantic relationships) for self validation and when they broke up, the pain and the mess were all in response to the shattering of one's validation and self esteem. If we finally reach the stage of confidence when we are so self-assured and confident that we don't need anyone else validating our existence... then I'd say men would probably be obsolete. Or more accurately, love would be obsolete. Relationships would be redundant. Or maybe they'll just evolve into something else. Let's face it... deep down inside, everyone is a little insecure. Everyone just wants to be loved. Sometimes it's amazing how much a little hug can mean to someone's day.
And yes, I just realised that I never followed up on my thought about the contingency of self worth on technology. oh well, luckily this is a blog post and not an essay.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Intro to self
- 4th and final year FASS student
- Sociology major, writing thesis on interactions between exchange students and NUS students
Where I went
- Queen's University in Kingston
- between Toronto and Montreal
- 2nd sem of 2nd year (2005)
Why?
- experience Canadian winter
- something completely different
- challenge myself
- isolate myself from everything familiar and see how i thrive
- travel, seize opportunity to see the other side of the world
- escape Singapore, venture beyond my comfort zone
Friends/Student Unions/School Spirit Festivals/Culture
- Harkness Hall: living with people from Canada, Hong Kong, France, UK
- speed dating, movie nights, school productions
- attending conferences: AIESEC, ASUS
- going on trips: Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Niagara, Quebec
- applying concepts learnt: in terms of tourism, geography
- meeting locals: Nick, Emily, Scott
- birthdays: minnie’s surprise party, sacha’s birthday
Studying
- profs and students
- learning new things: IDIS 306 Culture, Identity and Self with Paul Fairfield; French; Women and reproductive technology; Religion and Film
- most learning happened outside the classroom from talking to people, observing surroundings, building relationships
- studying by the lake, studying on the grass
Shopping & Eating
- foodwise, I acquired a fondness for salads and pasta; fortune cookies; Asian food, cheap pizza, living like a starving student
- shopping… was not everything
New things
- Skiing, skating, curling, ice hockey
- learning French, picking up Spanish
- traveling solo
- pub culture: socializing
- making the best out of everything: even though I don’t drink, I learnt about the social habits of Canadians
- representing Singapore: goring pisang tak jadi, fettucine and oyster sauce
Day to day life
- supermarkets: walmart, food basics, A&P
Places of interest
- Staying at Nick’s for a weekend
- Fort Henry
- Toronto’s vintage culture; very cool
- Ottawa’s museums and galleries
- New York City’s EVERYTHING
- 4th and final year FASS student
- Sociology major, writing thesis on interactions between exchange students and NUS students
Where I went
- Queen's University in Kingston
- between Toronto and Montreal
- 2nd sem of 2nd year (2005)
Why?
- experience Canadian winter
- something completely different
- challenge myself
- isolate myself from everything familiar and see how i thrive
- travel, seize opportunity to see the other side of the world
- escape Singapore, venture beyond my comfort zone
Friends/Student Unions/School Spirit Festivals/Culture
- Harkness Hall: living with people from Canada, Hong Kong, France, UK
- speed dating, movie nights, school productions
- attending conferences: AIESEC, ASUS
- going on trips: Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Niagara, Quebec
- applying concepts learnt: in terms of tourism, geography
- meeting locals: Nick, Emily, Scott
- birthdays: minnie’s surprise party, sacha’s birthday
Studying
- profs and students
- learning new things: IDIS 306 Culture, Identity and Self with Paul Fairfield; French; Women and reproductive technology; Religion and Film
- most learning happened outside the classroom from talking to people, observing surroundings, building relationships
- studying by the lake, studying on the grass
Shopping & Eating
- foodwise, I acquired a fondness for salads and pasta; fortune cookies; Asian food, cheap pizza, living like a starving student
- shopping… was not everything
New things
- Skiing, skating, curling, ice hockey
- learning French, picking up Spanish
- traveling solo
- pub culture: socializing
- making the best out of everything: even though I don’t drink, I learnt about the social habits of Canadians
- representing Singapore: goring pisang tak jadi, fettucine and oyster sauce
Day to day life
- supermarkets: walmart, food basics, A&P
Places of interest
- Staying at Nick’s for a weekend
- Fort Henry
- Toronto’s vintage culture; very cool
- Ottawa’s museums and galleries
- New York City’s EVERYTHING
along the way
It's been a long time since I've last penned my thoughts on anything permanent that I can hold against myself. Too many thoughts, too many emotions, too many wrong turns. I've always thought that you blog when you're upset. It's as CS Lewis says "We don't write to be understood, we write to understand." I haven't written anything. I just did it.
Here's the rub: At the end of the day, you just have to deal with it. Whatever it is. There's really no use dwelling about things. I was thinking in the office today that we're always victims of our own narratives. We make excuses, we victimise ourselves. If we were to step back and look at ourselves, what would we see? Who did we hurt along the way? Whose heart did we stamp on? I like to think the best of people, regardless of how naive it may seem to be. I really doubt that people make decisions to be bitchy or full of malice or to break someone's heart, spirit or soul. I think sometimes we all just try to save our own asses first. And we're blind to everything else.
I'm done.
I'm moving on.
I may have lost 6 or 7 years but damn it, at least it wasn't 10 or 20.
At the end of the day, I'm gonna have to contend with the voices in my head and if they're okay with me then so am I.
Here's the rub: At the end of the day, you just have to deal with it. Whatever it is. There's really no use dwelling about things. I was thinking in the office today that we're always victims of our own narratives. We make excuses, we victimise ourselves. If we were to step back and look at ourselves, what would we see? Who did we hurt along the way? Whose heart did we stamp on? I like to think the best of people, regardless of how naive it may seem to be. I really doubt that people make decisions to be bitchy or full of malice or to break someone's heart, spirit or soul. I think sometimes we all just try to save our own asses first. And we're blind to everything else.
I'm done.
I'm moving on.
I may have lost 6 or 7 years but damn it, at least it wasn't 10 or 20.
At the end of the day, I'm gonna have to contend with the voices in my head and if they're okay with me then so am I.
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