It's not about not seeing you anymore, it's knowing you're not there.

I'm staring in a state of half-shock, half-disbelief at the TAMU schedule that lies before me. I suppose it's one of those things I really should be used to, but how does one ever get used to saying goodbye? It's one thing if it were a simple matter of "see you again...maybe...in a couple of years" - although not to say that's not difficult either - but there's a cocktail of shock, sadness, and poignancy as well as a twinge of bittersweet longing in it.

It's mystifying just how much can happen in four to six weeks. We're at the wrong end of that time line and we're just spiralling through, like being sucked into a vortex of time gone by. There's so much to say which will inevitably remain unsaid. There's so much to do in such little time to do it. And there is a lot of emotion. Which, perhaps, should have never been there in the first place. Theoretically, it's an easy equation: if you remove the emotions, everything else will be quite easily dealt with. You stand on the other side of the airport, wave your charges goodbye and walk away ready to commence with another day. There's no aftermath of farewell to deal with, no voids in your life to fill up with inane activities and thoughts, no crack in your heart to patch up and no video reel of memories which make you smile and laugh and cry at the same time.

Initially, you think - What's six weeks? That's not enough time to get emotionally attached to anyone. Yeah, saying goodbye will be a breeze. *thwack* My foot, lah! I suppose, the first question that people always ask me is simply, if it was worth it. "Would you rather not have had that and make it easier on yourself?" Of course not. It's ironic, but the fact that it's so difficult to disentangle implies that there was something good there. It's easy to wave farewell to something which didn't impact you at all.

I suppose, you're always on the wrong side of the glass as long as you're not on the same side of the glass.

However, if I learnt one thing from them, it's this - "There's nothing you can do about it, so don't worry about it and just be happy." I've done this enough times to not be clouded by idealism. I know what will happen. No matter how hard you try, overseas experiences are like little funpacks of experiences. Divorced from your real life. It's like an extension pack you attach and when you're done with it, you're done with it. So what I am going to do now is simply to enjoy whatever little time we have left. I am going to seize the days and squeeze every last iota, whatever an iota may be, out of them. Screw essay deadlines, screw exams. We're gonna ride the hours and days like a flying horse through the wind. Or rather, more likely like a speedboat on choppy waters on the way to Phi Phi Lei. Bumps, bruises and thrills guaranteed. Who's with me?! ;)